Colors circling in your head
the whole world just seems dead
words and pictures coming together
your as light as a feather
thoughts spinning around and around
suddenly you cant feel the ground
the darkness is blinding you forever
the once happy dream will be back never
images turn to the haunted past
tears start falling so fast
screaming but nothing comes out
now your in serve doubt
your eyes finally snap awake
this was always your fate
you know now that this has always been
this long once was sin
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Author's Comments
my first poem that rhyms, WOOO! happy bella?
i made it in english class for a journal thing. that and i redid it in science (by not paying attention like always XD) i love the pic up top, so thats why its there  anyways, yes its a dream that construces into a nightmare, about the past that was really bad. (bella: *says in a joking way* nooooo, really? me:*smakes head* yeah, so what. maybe they just dont get it....>_> oh && please bella. acctually tell me how you think of it. its not a song at all. so instead of putting something really stupid, write something SMART |
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Comments
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My mind could possibly be your worst nightmare.
Fourth line:
"You're" or "You are" not "your"
"now your in serve doubt" - I dont know what this line means, I cannot understand it, is there a grammatical error or something? What does "in serve doubt" mean?
"your eyes finally snap awake
this was always your fate
you know now that this has always been
this long once was sin "
This stanza is odd to me, the third line sticks out, and the grammar throughout is confusing, particularly the last two lines
"the darkness is blinding you forever
the once happy dream will be back never"
- While I understand the meaning you were trying to convey here, that the happy dreams will never be back, try to think of another way to word this as it seems silly that you just stuck "never" at the end for the sole purpose of making it rhyme
Good job
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the next mattyho
...on the *Matchstickart?
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beautiful; like a dream.
Like Chuck? ~Chuck-Club I do.
Viva BuyMoria!
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the next mattyho
...on the *Matchstickart?
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